well, i have finally gotten what i need out of this. And I didn’t need the Flag and/or Flag Friend mods. The Drupalchat with User Relationships mods were all that i needed. Now, users can access the public chatroom. if they see a user they want to talk privately with, they can click that user’s name in the chat window. This will bring up some of the properties of the user’s account and there will also be a “relationship” button. they can click it, there is only one option, Friends, and when that user accepts, they will be on each other’s buddy list. this all works as designed but I didn’t have the permissions set up properly and the “relationship” button didn’t show up at first. By then I had already installed all the flag crap which didn’t do what I wanted anyway. but now, it is done and it works well.